Flash Fiction: Hunted by Thursday

closet flash fiction thursday wardrobeIt’s time for another Flash Fiction challenge, set at Terribleminds.com. The challenge this week is the second part of “The Opening Lines”. Last week we were asked to write an opening line, so that Chuck himself could choose the most interesting three to be used as an opening line for this weeks flash fiction challenge. Although my line wasn’t chosen, the three lines that were chosen practically throb with opportunities.

  • Everyone else remembers it as the day the saucers came, but I remember it as the day a man in a suit shot my father.
  • Three truths will I tell you and one lie
  • Thursday was out to get me.

All I need to do is choose one and then write my 1000 word flash fiction. Which one will I choose? It’s going to be the third one I think, it is jumping out at me.

(‘After posting’ note: I’m not sure whether the switch between viewpoints works, so you have to let me know in the comments, ok?)

Flash Fiction: Hunted by Thursday

Thursday was out to get me. Not the day, although that would be easier to believe, I guess. If that were true I’d be nothing more than a whiney little sod just having a bad day. Well ‘fraid not, Thursday is what you would commonly think of as a vampire hunter. Yep, a vampire hunter, and all she wants is to kill me… or unkill me. I still don’t really know how that works. Yeah, I’m a vampire, a creature of the night, a blood-drinker. Well technically not a blood-drinker yet, but anyway up until now my new life has not been as advertised.

I can already imagine the images flashing through your mind when you think of vampires. You either think I’m a pasty skinned model who has lived inside a gym for months or some twisted malformed creature of the night like Nosferatu. Well I’m neither i’m afraid. Apart from the drinking blood thing, and a fatally strong aversion to sunlight I’m the same as I always have been. What they said in books and on TV, I didn’t get any of that. I can’t jump high, run at super fast speeds or punch through walls and I still can’t see my hand in front of my face without my glasses. Although I haven’t had chance to test it, I sure as hell don’t feel like I can captivate people into my vampiric thrall either.

A word of advice, If anyone ever gives you the choice of becoming a vampire, it doesn’t matter how big her breasts are or how seductively she smiles at you, just walk away, I wish to hell I did. I followed my dick and let her change me. We’d just got ‘started’ and then this red-headed woman attacks us before she could finish. As I lay half turned in the alleyway, I saw my maker leap away over buildings. All I could do was get up and stagger off back to my flat. So here I am, half-changed and hiding in my closet about to be hunted to extinction by a vampire hunter with only a glasses-case to help me defend myself.

That the door opening. I can hear her I think or sense her in some way. She’s in the flat. Whoa I can smell her too, that’s odd. Oh so I did at least get heightened senses but I only have about two minutes left to enjoy them and maybe come up with a brilliant escape plan or a coroner is going to have the hardest jigsaw puzzle they’ll ever have to do in their life.

She’s here, and any moment she is going to open these doors and without even the common decency to quip or pun, she’ll stake me. Of course, there’s always the chance she might not find me. What am I saying? In my entire flat there are only two places to hide, under the bed or in the closet. She’ll find me.

I can hear her heartbeat she must be really close now.


Thursday swung open the closet doors and pointed her crossbow into the closet. Instead of the feral and vicious vampire she was expecting there was a small and rather normal looking teenager, just cowering. Thursday drew back the string on her crossbow and aimed towards the vampire’s heart. He looked back at her but there was no anger or fear on his face, just confusion. At this point vampires would normally either try to run away or attack her, but this one just sat there staring. Even the thick framed spectacles he was wearing were causing Thursday to doubt herself. Could this really be her target? Maybe the vampires bite hadn’t worked for some reason; maybe she had interrupted them before he could be turned.

No, she couldn’t risk it. Even if he wasn’t a vampire he had seen her world, and in many ways that could be more dangerous.

‘Please don’t kill me, I haven’t done anything.’ He said slowly standing up.

‘I’m sorry.’ she said, well what else could she say? She has never been this close to killing an innocent person before.

‘I haven’t killed anybody yet, I promise.’

It’s amazing how just one little word can make situations a lot clearer. I haven’t killed anybody yet he said. Now she knew it was up to her to make sure that he never would. Gripping the crossbow tightly she aimed once more at the new vampires heart.

The windows blew inwards, showering Thursday in splinters of glass and wood. She turned to face the misty figure rushing her, but no sooner had she turned to point her crossbow that she saw her, the vampire that had escaped her.

With one quick swipe the crossbow was knocked out of Thursday’s hands, and slid across the floor to the other side of the room. The last thought to cross Thursday’s mind before she was knocked out, was that her kindness has ultimately killed her.


Well that was unexpected. Maybe that’s my gift maybe I have vampiric luck or something. On balance I’d still rather have the superhuman strength or be able to turn into a bat. Oh crap, she’s walking over to me and she’s smiling that smile again. Is she hypnotising me? I just want to grab her and… no no, that’s not hypnosis just bog standard sexual attraction there I think, but what a smile… what a razor-sharp toothed smile… and what a body…

Argh what choice do I have? If I run away now she could hunt me down and kill me or even worse she’ll leave me alone and I’ll stay forever like this, a half-vampire between two worlds… or I allow her to finish what she started and turn me into a blood sucking monster with no regard for human life, destined to walk the land forever and engage in inhuman and demonic acts of violence and chaos?  It’s clear what I have to do.

What? She has a body to undie for…


12 thoughts on “Flash Fiction: Hunted by Thursday”

  1. We seriously have some kind of creative mojo going on. What is this, the third or fourth time our “creative cycles” have synched on a challenge? 🙂

    I liked this take on the Thursday theme. I particularly liked the new vampire’s voice, so the beginning was definitely a high point. I feel like the story lost a bit of steam in the middle — the jump from close 3rd person POV with Thursday over to omniscient 3rd felt a bit jarring. I had to go back and read it a couple of times. (Although it’s midnight here, so I could just be over-tired…) I wonder if it would feel smoother to return and stick to the new vampire’s 1st person POV from the point Thursday dies?

    1. yeah, maybe we should decide what to write about before hand, in the same way that (stereo-typically of course) women would discuss what they are going to wear at a wedding so they don’t turn up wearing the same thing. 🙂

      I was feeling the same thing, but I wasn’t sure whether it was just me. I’ll give it a shot and return back to first person as you suggested. Changing out of third person perspective is a lot harder than I figured it would be.


  2. I always want to try to do what you do — inside the head and then out into the world camera view? What I’ve been doing when the story wants that format is turn it into a screenplay/one act play kind of dealio. I do like the voice of the vampire, though.

    1. Nice idea, I’ll have to give it a try.

      The new vampire voice is what I would like to think I’d be thinking in that situation, although it’s more likely to be along the lines of “Oh my god! Oh my god, I’m going to die!… etc.”.

    1. I wished I’d seen the original now. The last line was there already when I read it. And yes, it’s a great hook-back, as an editor I once worked for called it. Not sure that’s really what it’s called, but it hooks the reader back to the beginning and back to more of your work.

      1. Here you go, as you can see the new one is definitely better…

        The last thought to cross Thursday’s mind before she was knocked out, was that her kindness has ultimately killed her.

        ‘Thanks’ said the vampire tentatively walking out of the closet ‘…and thanks for not killing her.’
        ‘I think we had some unfinished business.’ said the strikingly beautiful vampire with the same seductive smile that him got into the mess in the first place. ‘Let’s conclude the transaction and then you can decide what we do to her.’

        The new vampire thought about it for a while.
        What choice do I have? Refuse and she’ll kill me or even worse she’ll keep me like this, a half-vampire… or agree and I become a blood sucking monster with no regard for human life, destined to walk the land forever and engage in acts of inhuman and monstrous behaviour?

        ‘Sure, Ok. Let’s do it…’ the new vampire said

        ‘What? She may be worth it.’

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