As I have mentioned a few times on this blog, and will no doubt mention a few more times, I have OCD. It’s not life crippling and in many ways I can go about my daily business without anyone other than myself being any the wiser.
However, it is one of the purposes of this blog to write about the weird crazy poop that runs through my brain, to educate and in another sense to try to exorcise some of this stuff.
So what thoughts are rampaging their way through my subconscious at the moment? Which thought is dominating my mind and filling my imagination with less than beautiful images? Well, it’s electrocution.
That’s right. Electrocution is my buzz word for the past few days and, this electrocution is from a very specific source. I believe, that when handling a plugged in power charger (phone, laptop, tablet, doesn’t matter) that I am going to put the end in my mouth. I actually think I am going to lick the end of a live, plugged-in-to-the-mains charger.
Of course, when I say I think I am going do this, I actually know I’m not. The logical part of my mind, clearly knows I am not going to lick a live charger cable, it would be dangerous and potentially fatal. Yet, my imagination doesn’t listen to this logical part of the brain. Oh no, it’s too busy conjuring up a mental image of me actually doing it. This mental image comes complete with sounds, textures tastes, and some pretty gruesome Tarantino-style blood effects to boot.
Soon, this image is all I can think of. I get less and less able to differentiate between what is the mental imagery and what my body is about to do. Then as a flash, I think I’m actually going to do it. I’m going to put that cable in my mouth and I’m going to die. I’m going to do it, but I really don’t want to. Why the hell would I do this? I start to try to imagine the pain I would be in. Then I get the image of that guy from the first Batman movie with Michael Keaton and the hand buzzer. That’s charred up skeleton will be me.
The thoughts of pain and death are now bolstered with sad thoughts about the people I’ll leave behind.
I throw the cable down and walk away, out of breath, keeping one eye on the cable lying on the floor, almost as if it should come alive and force its will on me.
So, that’s all fun. Right? Hmmm ok, not so much.
Luckily, I don’t get the full experience every time as I’d never get to charge my phone, but the thought crosses my mind, and if I’m not careful, here comes Technicolor.
There we go, hope you’re still here and not walking backwards from me slowly.
- The struggle with OCD (blogs.abc.net.au)
- Ocd (jessicapsychology.wordpress.com)
- International OCD Foundation (onedayonejob.com)
- Is this me, or my OCD? (stressesanddresses.wordpress.com)
- What Would I Do If I Didn’t Have OCD? (stressesanddresses.wordpress.com)
- Living with OCD is no laughing matter (canterburyonlineedition.wordpress.com)
- 5 Things OCD is NOT (iocdf.org)