A bout of illness hit for me for six over the past couple of days which in some way explains my absence from these daily prompts, but I’m well now (kinda) and mentally fit to have a stab at today’s prompt (well, sorta)
“Many of us had imaginary friends as young children. If your imaginary friend grew up alongside you, what would his/her/its life be like today? (Didn’t have one? write about a non-imaginary friend you haven’t seen since childhood.)”
Well, seeing as I didn’t have an imaginary friend when I was young and I see all my other childhood friends anyway these days, I’m going to slightly change the prompt.
Hope you like it.
‘Who are you?’I asked the ethereal figure standing in the doorway. ‘Are you a ghost?’
‘No I’m an imaginary-imaginary friend, your imaginary-imaginary friend‘. The confused look on my face must have invited further explanation.
‘Well, you never had an imaginary friend did you? So, I’m a made-up imaginary friend, created out of the ether for the sole purpose of answering a daily prompt.’
I blinked a couple of times, because this sort of thing doesn’t really happen every day. ‘So, the only reason you are here is because I didn’t have an imaginary friend when I was younger?’
‘Yup, that’s about the size of it.’
‘So, why can’t I see what you look like? Why are you all shimmery and silvery?’
‘…because, I don’t have anyone to base my fake visage on, and you didn’t think to give me an identity either.’
‘What? i didn’t know I could.’
‘Yep, you really missed an opportunity there. As your imaginary-imaginary friend you could have made me become or look like anything you wanted. I could have been like Cameron Diaz when she first walks into the bank in The Mask, or if you prefer something a little tougher how about Sarah Connor when she breaks out of the mental institution in Terminator 2. Hell, I could have been the woman with three breasts in the original Total Recall.’
‘Whoa, what?’ I exclaimed.
‘It’s your sub-sub-conscious I am working from here, don’t shoot the messenger.’
‘So, what is this prompt you’re here for?”
The shape handed me a piece of paper and I read it with feigned curiosity.
‘You’re not mentioned on the prompt, you know? It doesn’t mention Imaginary-imaginary friends.’
The shape snatched the piece of paper from me ‘Well, you get the idea. Look are you interested in what I do or not?’
‘Erm I guess so.’
Even though the shape was faceless, I could feel him watching me, waiting for me to say something.
‘Oh right, sorry.’ Realising he was waiting for me to say something ‘So, what is it that you do nowadays?’
‘Me? I do a bit of freelancing, a bit of contracting, I work for an agency of sorts they send me to various clients and I offer what I consider a unique and personalised service.’
My mind unintentionally flashed to the woman from Total Recall again, which I just hoped was just ironic process theory playing out.
‘Really, that sounds very interesting’ I said, without any feeling of enthusiasm. ‘What type of services do you provide?’
‘Very unique services. I’m sure you won’t be able to guess.’
I sighed, it was very early in the morning, and although me being up at the time is not uncommon, not having coffee before attempting communication is practically unheard of.
‘I don’t know’ I said curtly. ‘Please tell me, what interesting and highly unusual services do you provide?’
‘I provide business evaluations to small business trying to increase their viability in today’s business markets. I don’t take any salary until their profits have significantly increased’
‘Argh, I know. You just told me…. I’m sorry, what?’ Suddenly, I realised that the words I just heard were not the words I was expecting.
‘What? Is that not what you were expecting me to say…?’
‘Well, no I thought you were going to start going on again about being an imaginary….’
The shape laughed ‘Nah, only kidding, that would be ridiculous. Seriously, you think jobs like that actually exist. No, I’m your imaginary-imaginary friend.’
I later found out the best thing about having an imaginary-imaginary friend is that it’s very easy to hide its body.
- Woman trying to sell her imaginary friend on eBay http://t.co/W7dJRh9IW2 (digitaljournal.com)
- Woman Tries to Sell Imaginary Friend on eBay (odditycentral.com)
- imaginary friends (scientificparenting101.com)
- For Sale: Imaginary Friends On eBay (joronomo.com)
- For Reals (ahundredfallingveils.com)
- My Imaginary Friend Is American (thearabdailynews.com)
- Dr Karen Majors on Imaginary Companions @ Goldsmiths, 6:10 pm, 7/10/14 (skeptic.org.uk)