Facebook… Defriended

Although technically wouldn't be Facebook 2.
Although technically it wouldn’t be called Facebook 2.

Yesterdays Daily prompt, because I didn’t have any time to do it yesterday, is…

If you could un-invent something, what would it be? Discuss why, potential repercussions, or a possible alternative.

Well, what an interesting prompt this is. It’s kind of like ‘If you could go back in time and kill Hitler, would you?’

To answer this prompt we’ll need to swim in the incredibly murky waters of chaos theory but I figured with a sprinkling of educated guesses and an unhealthy dose of ‘just plain making things up’, I should be able to get through this relatively unscathed.

Well there a fair few candidates for this one. Should I un-invent the nuclear bomb, or gunpowder, maybe the internet?

All good candidates of course, well except maybe the internet, even the concept of getting rid of that sends me in to a semi-catatonic state, but the other two are possibilities.

Nope, I am choosing to un-invent Facebook.

Yes, that’s right. I want to un-invent Facebook, for two reasons.

Firstly, I have reached a kind of ambivalent disinterest with Facebook. I’m starting to find Facebook really rather tedious. Every day I have to wade through the same photos of people’s dinners, the same people hopelessly fishing for people to take interest in them, the sea of unwanted game requests and invitations, and a sludge of ‘you won’t believe’ posts that it turns out I actually would believe because I’ve seen them over and over for the past four years.

That’s not the only thing that bugs me.

There should be a setting to automatically opt out of all game requests so that they never show, no matter how many you’re sent.

More buttons than just Like should be added. For example, I would suggest a ‘Seen this, but don’t know how to comment’ button and a ‘Dislike’ button. When someone on Facebook says that a relative has died or that they’re getting divorced or something (ultimately, not the medium I’d choose for such news but apparently it’s the perfect fit for some.) and the only option you have is to write something tedious and clichéd or you hit Like which is wrong on at least two levels, it just doesn’t seem right.

There should be a monthly limit on the number of posts about your pets, children and or exercise routine as well. Don’t care to see another picture of your children with food all over their faces, nor a break down of just how you’ll be working your glutes after work.

My rule of thumb is if you wouldn’t tell it to me face to face I probably don’t give a crap about it on Facebook.

The big reason I would un-invent Facebook is just so I could get in there first. I’d secure the trademark, copyright the invention and  invent it again myself, raking in the billions.

Of course it’s about the money. What else?

I can’t see there being too many ramifications of getting rid of Facebook. It’s a fairly new invention, so chaos theory won’t have time to get really jumbled. Of course, technically the future would still change, it’s just a future that hasn’t happened yet, instead of the past which is still the future for an earlier event. Ow.

Anyway, chaos theory being what it is, the creation of my version of Facebook could cause the whole fabric of reality to fold in on itself and destroy all known life, or it could usher in a new evolutionary stage for mankind… or any of the infinite things in the middle.

…and we’re done.

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