Category Archives: The Heart

Four Terribly Bad Messages Taken from Frozen

Frozen Disney cover dvd elsa annaFrozen’s been out for a fair amount of time now, and I have seen it. I’ve seen it a number of times actually, and through all the catchy songs, the charismatic moose and messages of sisterhood that are some pretty terrible messages in that movie.

What! Terrible messages in a Disney Movie? Are you sure?

Yep, they’re not even well hidden either, as plain as the nose on your face. (Not meaning to insult your nose, I’m sure it’s very pretty.)

So, here they are the four things that Frozen teaches you that you should in no way take as a life lesson.

4. Good Parenting Starts at Home

The film starts off with the young Elsa accidentally harming her sister whilst they play. Elsa is only very young, and has not yet been taught the responsibility of owning great power. So with Anna gravely wounded by magic the loving and doting parents go to see the local troll, who sagely informs them that Anna is lucky this time but for the sake of both daughters, she is going to have to remove Anna’s memories of Elsa’s magic.

All good so far and it kinda makes sense. Then, and just to ensure that no harm can come to either child the parents decide it’s a good thing to lock Elsa in a room until she can control her magic.

That’s right Elsa’s parents imprison their daughter. Unable to leave the room she must have had a life only Josef Fritzl’s daughter would be envious of. I think it’s actually a good thing that the parents die from drowning, just to stop the mental and emotional abuse.

That’s not to mention Anna who has to deal with the fact that her best friend and sister is now locked up and ignoring her, for the next twelve or so years.

3. A Ruler to Rule us All

If you knew of someone who had spent the last twelve years locked away, struggling with controlling her magic, burdened with the news that her parents have just drowned, and who has had absolutely no contact with her the outside world except for presumably the staff who put her tray of gruel under the door of her cell-like bedroom, would you think “Well, she’ll make a good queen”?

Well, luckily Queens aren’t voted for so she becomes one anyway. No wonder she freaks out and nearly skewers everyone at the ball with large shards of ice. What would you expect?

2. Run Away!!!

The major lesson of the film or at least the song that every parent with a child under the age of 18 has been singing for the best eighteen months, is that if you feel burdened with pressure you should relax and ‘Let it go’. The song is shortly after everyone discovers Elsa has magic, she nearly kills a few people and then flees from the castle to wander over the snowy hills and sing her troubles away.

Well, I’m not buying it. That song should just be called ‘Run Away’. Run away if you can’t face your problems, run away rather than apologise for your mistakes. Ultimately, if there’s a situation you can’t deal with just scarper and hide in the mountains until it all goes away. That’s what strong role-models do? Oh wait, hang on. They don’t!

1. Cold Hearted Killer

When Elsa gets a bit mad at the ball, and starts what could basically be considered an ice age, the entire land is covered in snow and ice. Don’t worry though because by the end of the film she cancels the spell and gains control of all her powers and so on and the entire village loves her again.

Well hang on, what about the elderly and the young that would have been caught out by such a freak drop in temperature and all the wildlife that is in no way prepared for a change in weather like that. Then there are the plants, and the crops that would have been ruined by all that ice and snow.

Elsa, didn’t just make things a little nippy, she probably ruined the economy and production of the city for months and years to come. One of the first things Queen Elsa would have to do in power would be to raise taxes across the kingdom to pay for fixing the economy, unless she’s planning on selling ice sculptures, taxes are the only way to go.

Then again, at the end of the film no-one else in the town seems to care about the ruined economy and all the deaths. Though, I suppose, if my ruler could kill us all with ice spikes without drawing breath I’d be a little reticent about showing my displeasure as well.

Of, course maybe I’m misreading the whole thing. What do you think?

Childish Arrogance

“Which subject in school did you find impossible to master? Did math give you hives? Did English make you scream? Do tell!”

Hmmm, interesting Daily Post.

Well, as arrogant as this may sound. I don’t actually remember having any difficulty with any subjects really. Well, not at Secondary School (for those across the pond, we’re talking education between 11-16 year olds, so not sure how it translates.) I found most things pretty darn easy.

Yes, I can almost sense the contempt that you’re feeling towards me, and to be quite honest, if I’d heard someone say that, I’d be feeling the same thing.

However, if I can interrupt your knife sharpening and shotgun loading for just a moment. Everything changed when I went to college (16-18, Is that High School or College?)

Anyway, because I had such little difficulty before I rather foolishly expected College to be exactly the same. I figured I could just coast through the lessons and my natural ability to perform well in tests would see me through.

Oh, how wrong I was. First test and my results smacked me around the face like a breeze-block. What the hell was wrong? I was doing exactly what I had done for the past six years. What gives?

Hmmm must be a one off. Maybe I was tired. So the next test, and the same thing happened. Ok, there is something decidedly weird going on here.

I wasted half my time there expecting the outcome to change by doing the same thing. I’m fairly certain that’s the definition of madness.

It turns out that at college (and in fact anywhere) you need to put some effort in to get good results. Who would have thought?

Luckily, I still had a year left to put some effort in, and turn around my confusing  scores of ungraded. I left college with three E’s. Which is a far cry from the A’s and B’s I was used to at Secondary School.

There was also a certain beer selling establishment that may have also contributed to the lack of good scores, yet that remains unproven.

So, there you go. The lesson to take from this, you want the results? Put the work in?

Goddamn Vacuums!

Cylinder vacuum cleaner for home use.

There’s some time!

Quick, grab it!

You think you can outrun me do you; well I’ve got you now.

(Thud)

Sorry about that, just time getting away from me there. Don’t worry though, I beat it into submission and it’s now laying comatose in a shoe box with a rock on top of it.

So, today’s daily prompt (and I’d better be quick; the time won’t be unconscious for ever. ) is about which household task I hate the most.

Well, it’s vacuuming.

It’s not really that I dislike vacuuming, but I can say with full certainty that vacuuming doesn’t like me.

Firstly, the vacuum I have constantly static shocks me. It doesn’t shock my wife, oh no. She’s happily vacuuming away wondering what the fuss I’m making is all about. I pick it up, hoover for a few seconds, and then Fzzzzappp, it gets me.

Secondly, and presumably it’s my metabolism working with the vacuum, but I sweat, when I’m hovering, a lot. The sweat is practically dripping off me. Which only increases how generally irritated I become will hovering.

Imagine the scene, me stomping around shirt and sockless, sweating profusely, while I actively remember to ground myself on anything non-conductive nearby. Hmmm, ok, maybe not picture it exactly; I can’t afford that many analyst bills.

The thing is, neither of these phenomena occurs during any other bit of housework. I can be on my knees scrubbing a nylon covered floor with a cat, and I still don’t sweat or get shocked as much.

Maybe in a previous life, I’d somehow pissed off the spirit of vacuum cleaners, and now they seek their revenge on my damned soul.

Ah, time! It’s stirring; I don’t have long before…

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Politically Curious

English: Ballot Box showing preferential votingIt seems like a fair while since I’ve written anything here. That’s mostly due to the fact that I have been insanely busy at work, and when I get home I just want to stare blankly at a television screen and attempt to stop the brains from dribbling out of my ears.

However, because my brain has the viscosity of treacle (which is about as firm as it has been for quite a while) I thought, why not put fingers to keys and spit out something, and as the UK is fresh off the back of the General Election I figured that a piece on that would at least be topical.

Continue reading Politically Curious

Never, Well Just This Once…

“It’s never a good idea to discuss religion or politics with people you don’t really know.” Agree or disagree?”

The above daily post is definitely one that I agree with certainly as far as religion goes, though the same rules kind of apply to political conversations at least to a lesser extent.

Firstly, I am an atheist or at least agnostic, I have generally no idea of what’s going on earth let alone any ethereal or heavenly planes, so ultimately I try to stay right out of any conversations about religion.

It’s also important to remember that although religion and atheism are both belief systems, religion is founded in faith and atheism, at least to me is derived from logic. Logic and faith do not make good bedfellows, whichever side of the line you’re standing on, you will never know the answer until it’s too late.

You can easily tear holes in most religions from a logical perspective, but faith means to believe ultimately without facts to persuade you. (or words to that effect, anyway) Not to mention the idea, that what we think of as fact now is not what we thought was fact hundreds of years ago. Who’s to say that in a few years’ time we won’t prove god exists by way of science. Belief is solid yet logic and science purely depend on current scientific thinking which is likely to fluctuate over time.

Yet, people do argue. Not just over the existence of a god or gods, but over which religion is the true religion, assuming that a true religion can even exist. In some cases they act even shittier to each other. All over religious differences which they cannot possibly prove, making everything inhumanly ironic as I’m fairly certain that most religions have things to say about hurting and killing each other.

Arguing over religion is like a shark and a scorpion arguing over the best way to fly.

Hmmmm well, I guess this post means that I do discuss religion, just not very often and now I remember the true reason. While writing this, I was cross-examining everything I wrote, trying to make sure that I didn’t offend anybody. I wouldn’t have done that if those post was over which Star Trek Captain is the best (cough, cough Piccard then Jayneway) yet for a post about religion I felt the need to make sure I didn’t offend.

So, if you have been offended by anything I’ve written here, then I do apologise. It certainly wasn’t my intention to do so. I don’t believe in a god or gods that’s true, but I do believe in the positive power of belief on both a personal level and from a community level. How a shared belief can bring people together and provide a purpose to their life.

As far as I am concerned, religion can be a shared by the masses or it can be a personal thing, as long as you are using your religion to be a good person, and not using it to generally be crappy to each other you’re ok by me.

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Off Colour

Seven-striped rainbow flag. Drawn by Fibonacci.

Well, all this job satisfaction doesn’t leave much time for blogging, but nevertheless I will persevere and get something out for today’s Daily post.

All I have to do is…

“Write about anything you’d like, but make sure that all seven colours of the rainbow — red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet — make an appearance in the post, either through word or image.”

I first thought that I would try to get all seven colours in without actually using the colour, but that turned out to be rather difficult in concept. The trouble is that thinking of an alternative post turned out to be even harder than that, so back to my first option I went.

I’m not exactly green when it comes to writing these posts, but you can take it as red that the moment I try to put my mind to something I get about twenty percent of the way in and the start to struggle to get anything, and the only ideas I have are pretty bad. However, they are the only ideas I have so ‘in-dey-go’ anyway.

I try to re-orange the words but nothing really works. Each sentence gets worse and worse, until the links are so tenuous I just want to yell-ow.

But I tell myself. There’s no need to get blue everything eventually comes together and ultimately, if you really struggle to get that last colour in, it doesn’t matter there’s always a blunt and stupid way to get it in, right at the end.

Violet!

See?

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Ha Ha Ha Boom! Boom!

LaughRight, well today’s Daily Post asks us to exercise our funny bones, and make sure everyone’s ribs are tickled and their sides have split from a veritable banquet of hilarity that is the joke.

“Tell us a joke! Knock-knock joke, long story with an unexpected punchline, great zinger — all jokes are welcome!”

It’s an odd thing but I have never told a joke via blog post before. Sure, I’ve probably copied and pasted one from somewhere else, but I have never actually sat down and written it.

What’s the difference, you ask. Probably very little to tell you the truth, but never-the-less here goes.

——

On a dark and windy night, Peter was driving home from work. It had been his first day as a Trainee Postroom Attendant at Megacorp Inc. and he felt that everything had gone perfectly. His boss and his co-workers loved him, he worked hard and he felt that he really fitted in.

He’d just got to the end of the road when his phone rang. It was his boss, telling him that because he had worked so well today, that he was being instantly promoted to the Head of Post facilities. Peter couldn’t believe it, a promotion on his first day. His excitement took his eyes off the road causing him to swerve a little, but he managed to keep his car under control.

Five minutes later he received another call telling him that his boss had just taken ill, and he was being promoted again to Head of Facilities. Once again, he couldn’t believe his luck. Two promotions in one night but as before his excitement got the better of him and his car swerved, this time he just managed to keep his car under control.

Another five minutes had passed when he received yet another phone call informing him that due to a merger between the two companies, they needed him to look after the Global Facilities Department. Peter’s heart pounded when they told him his salary; after all he had been a Trainee Postroom Attendant

Only a few minutes ago. Before he was aware of what was happening, he had lost control of his car. It swerved off the road into an embankment and hit a tree.

After the accident a Detective investigated the wreckage of the car, and the skid tracks and he had spoken to Peter who eagerly explained what had happened to him.

‘So what happened, sir?’ asked a very eager policeman.

‘Well, Constable. It looks like the Peter was driving home, when he received a phone call that caused him to ‘career’ off the road.’

I thank you.

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