Tag Archives: Mad Ideas

Four Terribly Bad Messages Taken from Frozen

Frozen Disney cover dvd elsa annaFrozen’s been out for a fair amount of time now, and I have seen it. I’ve seen it a number of times actually, and through all the catchy songs, the charismatic moose and messages of sisterhood that are some pretty terrible messages in that movie.

What! Terrible messages in a Disney Movie? Are you sure?

Yep, they’re not even well hidden either, as plain as the nose on your face. (Not meaning to insult your nose, I’m sure it’s very pretty.)

So, here they are the four things that Frozen teaches you that you should in no way take as a life lesson.

4. Good Parenting Starts at Home

The film starts off with the young Elsa accidentally harming her sister whilst they play. Elsa is only very young, and has not yet been taught the responsibility of owning great power. So with Anna gravely wounded by magic the loving and doting parents go to see the local troll, who sagely informs them that Anna is lucky this time but for the sake of both daughters, she is going to have to remove Anna’s memories of Elsa’s magic.

All good so far and it kinda makes sense. Then, and just to ensure that no harm can come to either child the parents decide it’s a good thing to lock Elsa in a room until she can control her magic.

That’s right Elsa’s parents imprison their daughter. Unable to leave the room she must have had a life only Josef Fritzl’s daughter would be envious of. I think it’s actually a good thing that the parents die from drowning, just to stop the mental and emotional abuse.

That’s not to mention Anna who has to deal with the fact that her best friend and sister is now locked up and ignoring her, for the next twelve or so years.

3. A Ruler to Rule us All

If you knew of someone who had spent the last twelve years locked away, struggling with controlling her magic, burdened with the news that her parents have just drowned, and who has had absolutely no contact with her the outside world except for presumably the staff who put her tray of gruel under the door of her cell-like bedroom, would you think “Well, she’ll make a good queen”?

Well, luckily Queens aren’t voted for so she becomes one anyway. No wonder she freaks out and nearly skewers everyone at the ball with large shards of ice. What would you expect?

2. Run Away!!!

The major lesson of the film or at least the song that every parent with a child under the age of 18 has been singing for the best eighteen months, is that if you feel burdened with pressure you should relax and ‘Let it go’. The song is shortly after everyone discovers Elsa has magic, she nearly kills a few people and then flees from the castle to wander over the snowy hills and sing her troubles away.

Well, I’m not buying it. That song should just be called ‘Run Away’. Run away if you can’t face your problems, run away rather than apologise for your mistakes. Ultimately, if there’s a situation you can’t deal with just scarper and hide in the mountains until it all goes away. That’s what strong role-models do? Oh wait, hang on. They don’t!

1. Cold Hearted Killer

When Elsa gets a bit mad at the ball, and starts what could basically be considered an ice age, the entire land is covered in snow and ice. Don’t worry though because by the end of the film she cancels the spell and gains control of all her powers and so on and the entire village loves her again.

Well hang on, what about the elderly and the young that would have been caught out by such a freak drop in temperature and all the wildlife that is in no way prepared for a change in weather like that. Then there are the plants, and the crops that would have been ruined by all that ice and snow.

Elsa, didn’t just make things a little nippy, she probably ruined the economy and production of the city for months and years to come. One of the first things Queen Elsa would have to do in power would be to raise taxes across the kingdom to pay for fixing the economy, unless she’s planning on selling ice sculptures, taxes are the only way to go.

Then again, at the end of the film no-one else in the town seems to care about the ruined economy and all the deaths. Though, I suppose, if my ruler could kill us all with ice spikes without drawing breath I’d be a little reticent about showing my displeasure as well.

Of, course maybe I’m misreading the whole thing. What do you think?

Childish Arrogance

“Which subject in school did you find impossible to master? Did math give you hives? Did English make you scream? Do tell!”

Hmmm, interesting Daily Post.

Well, as arrogant as this may sound. I don’t actually remember having any difficulty with any subjects really. Well, not at Secondary School (for those across the pond, we’re talking education between 11-16 year olds, so not sure how it translates.) I found most things pretty darn easy.

Yes, I can almost sense the contempt that you’re feeling towards me, and to be quite honest, if I’d heard someone say that, I’d be feeling the same thing.

However, if I can interrupt your knife sharpening and shotgun loading for just a moment. Everything changed when I went to college (16-18, Is that High School or College?)

Anyway, because I had such little difficulty before I rather foolishly expected College to be exactly the same. I figured I could just coast through the lessons and my natural ability to perform well in tests would see me through.

Oh, how wrong I was. First test and my results smacked me around the face like a breeze-block. What the hell was wrong? I was doing exactly what I had done for the past six years. What gives?

Hmmm must be a one off. Maybe I was tired. So the next test, and the same thing happened. Ok, there is something decidedly weird going on here.

I wasted half my time there expecting the outcome to change by doing the same thing. I’m fairly certain that’s the definition of madness.

It turns out that at college (and in fact anywhere) you need to put some effort in to get good results. Who would have thought?

Luckily, I still had a year left to put some effort in, and turn around my confusing  scores of ungraded. I left college with three E’s. Which is a far cry from the A’s and B’s I was used to at Secondary School.

There was also a certain beer selling establishment that may have also contributed to the lack of good scores, yet that remains unproven.

So, there you go. The lesson to take from this, you want the results? Put the work in?

Off Colour

Seven-striped rainbow flag. Drawn by Fibonacci.

Well, all this job satisfaction doesn’t leave much time for blogging, but nevertheless I will persevere and get something out for today’s Daily post.

All I have to do is…

“Write about anything you’d like, but make sure that all seven colours of the rainbow — red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet — make an appearance in the post, either through word or image.”

I first thought that I would try to get all seven colours in without actually using the colour, but that turned out to be rather difficult in concept. The trouble is that thinking of an alternative post turned out to be even harder than that, so back to my first option I went.

I’m not exactly green when it comes to writing these posts, but you can take it as red that the moment I try to put my mind to something I get about twenty percent of the way in and the start to struggle to get anything, and the only ideas I have are pretty bad. However, they are the only ideas I have so ‘in-dey-go’ anyway.

I try to re-orange the words but nothing really works. Each sentence gets worse and worse, until the links are so tenuous I just want to yell-ow.

But I tell myself. There’s no need to get blue everything eventually comes together and ultimately, if you really struggle to get that last colour in, it doesn’t matter there’s always a blunt and stupid way to get it in, right at the end.



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Which Letter’s Missing?

A full English-language Scrabble tile set. See...

There are 26 letters in the English language, and we need every single one of them. Want proof? Choose a letter and write a blog post without using it. (Feeling really brave? Make it a vowel!)

Right, I should let you know which letter I won’t be using for this little prompt, but I won’t. I figure it will be more fun like this. Will you figure it out by the end of this post?

For someone like me, who loves messing with words, not using one letter is horribly difficult. You forget the number of times every letter turns up in your speech. Even not using letters which don’t see the light much, is tricky.

So, news?

Well everything’s going right for once. It’s not often I get to think in positive terms but yes, feeling OK to good. I’ll begin my new job in just under two weeks, so I just need to ensure I’ve written up the guides. I’ve given the dull, boring stuff to other people, so there’s nothing too horrendous left for me to do.

I’m pretty much just going to enjoy this next fortnight. I’ll sleep better, be more rested, in short just chill the hell out.

So, you figured out which letter I’ve not used yet?

Well, it’s obviously not S, O, Y, U, F, I, G, R, E, D, T, W, H, C, L, T, V, N or S.

Need Help? Well it turns out I’m not chicken, eh?

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Your Power is Mine mwa ha ha ha

William James Sidis photographed at his Harvar...A writer once said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” If this is true, which five people would you like to spend your time with?

So, to answer today’s Daily Prompt I need to think about which five people I would hang around with for the sole purpose of imbuing myself an average of their collected intellects, strengths and so on. Or on the assumption that this is the same for everyone, which five people do I want to drag down to my level? No, I’m not going to think about it like that, all rather negative and so on.

First question, do I pile on my strengths to make me human-plus, or do I balance out my weaknesses to boost myself to a jack of all trades?

There also doesn’t seem to be any restrictions on how this average thing works, so the first person I’d have is Bill Gates. The chap is loaded and if there’s a chance that this average thing is going to make me billions of dollars richer, then I am going to go for that.

So Bill for his cash, easy.

Next, let’s get an injection of strength, and there is no better person than Zydrunas Savickas who was the 2014 winner of the ‘World’s Strongest Man’.

So, I’ve got strength and money, well a top up to my brains wouldn’t go amiss. It’s not desperately needed, but I’m not a genius so a few more points of IQ would be alright.

William James Sidis, who apparently had an IQ of somewhere between 250 and 300 sounds just the ticket. He did die of a cerebral haemorrhage, which I hope wasn’t related to his IQ in any way.

That’s brains, strength and cash.

Aha looks. Pfff what am I talking about, I’m gorgeous… (Just in case it’s not obvious, this is irony. J )

Looks are subjective and there’s no guarantee that an average of anyone’s looks would improve things. I might look like some kind of freaky face-merging experiment gone wrong.

So instead I’ll opt for speed and the fastest chap on the planet is Usain Bolt he’s got all the speed I need. Hopefully, some of his ability to run without looking like you’re having difficulty, might rub off on me as well. It really is laughable when I start running.

So, with cash, strength, intelligence and speed who would be the fifth person to join my little manage-a-six?


Well, there’s…. ummmmm…..

Oh, I know. I want some of Jeremy irons voice. It’s difficult to quantify of course, but if even a little bit of voice-cool rubs off from him it will be worth it.

There we go, Bill Gates, Zydrunas Savickas, William James Sidis, Usain Bolt and Jeremy Irons.

Once I’ve merged them, I can start my global domination plans.


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Facebook… Defriended

Although technically wouldn't be Facebook 2.
Although technically it wouldn’t be called Facebook 2.

Yesterdays Daily prompt, because I didn’t have any time to do it yesterday, is…

If you could un-invent something, what would it be? Discuss why, potential repercussions, or a possible alternative.

Well, what an interesting prompt this is. It’s kind of like ‘If you could go back in time and kill Hitler, would you?’

To answer this prompt we’ll need to swim in the incredibly murky waters of chaos theory but I figured with a sprinkling of educated guesses and an unhealthy dose of ‘just plain making things up’, I should be able to get through this relatively unscathed.

Well there a fair few candidates for this one. Should I un-invent the nuclear bomb, or gunpowder, maybe the internet?

All good candidates of course, well except maybe the internet, even the concept of getting rid of that sends me in to a semi-catatonic state, but the other two are possibilities.

Nope, I am choosing to un-invent Facebook.

Yes, that’s right. I want to un-invent Facebook, for two reasons.

Firstly, I have reached a kind of ambivalent disinterest with Facebook. I’m starting to find Facebook really rather tedious. Every day I have to wade through the same photos of people’s dinners, the same people hopelessly fishing for people to take interest in them, the sea of unwanted game requests and invitations, and a sludge of ‘you won’t believe’ posts that it turns out I actually would believe because I’ve seen them over and over for the past four years.

That’s not the only thing that bugs me.

There should be a setting to automatically opt out of all game requests so that they never show, no matter how many you’re sent.

More buttons than just Like should be added. For example, I would suggest a ‘Seen this, but don’t know how to comment’ button and a ‘Dislike’ button. When someone on Facebook says that a relative has died or that they’re getting divorced or something (ultimately, not the medium I’d choose for such news but apparently it’s the perfect fit for some.) and the only option you have is to write something tedious and clichéd or you hit Like which is wrong on at least two levels, it just doesn’t seem right.

There should be a monthly limit on the number of posts about your pets, children and or exercise routine as well. Don’t care to see another picture of your children with food all over their faces, nor a break down of just how you’ll be working your glutes after work.

My rule of thumb is if you wouldn’t tell it to me face to face I probably don’t give a crap about it on Facebook.

The big reason I would un-invent Facebook is just so I could get in there first. I’d secure the trademark, copyright the invention and  invent it again myself, raking in the billions.

Of course it’s about the money. What else?

I can’t see there being too many ramifications of getting rid of Facebook. It’s a fairly new invention, so chaos theory won’t have time to get really jumbled. Of course, technically the future would still change, it’s just a future that hasn’t happened yet, instead of the past which is still the future for an earlier event. Ow.

Anyway, chaos theory being what it is, the creation of my version of Facebook could cause the whole fabric of reality to fold in on itself and destroy all known life, or it could usher in a new evolutionary stage for mankind… or any of the infinite things in the middle.

…and we’re done.

Another Me?

English: DNA Double Helix

My god! Won’t somebody think of the children!

Today’s daily prompt is…

If you could clone yourself, how would you split up your responsibilities?

I guess that depends on the clone. If my clone was an exact replica of myself, then it would be fairly split, each of us having a part of the dull stuff and part of the exciting stuff. I couldn’t just offload all of my crap on to my poor unsuspecting clone. Otherwise, we could soon be talking uprising and clone rebellions, and we can’t have that.

Of course if my clone was a lesser version of myself like Brian and Stewies clones in Family Guy, then they would get so much crap it’s untrue. Well, they’d do my job for me.

Then I’d probably get greedy. If I made one clone I could make more than one, maybe start my own clone sweatshop; mass making inferior products and flooding the market and I would get rich off the profits, until I was shopped in by one of my own family, and then I’d have to destroy them…

It does raise an interesting point. Firstly, lets sidestep how quickly I would succumb to clone slavery and look at the rights a clone would have, the same as me.

If the clone had the same rights as me, then surely the division of labour should be done democratically and not just by me deciding on the crap I don’t want to do.

What if my clone wanted to leave and go elsewhere? Do I have any powers to stop him? Can I force him to work for me? I never realised what a giant bag of ethical nightmares it would be, owning a clone.

Damn and my Cloning Machine was so close to working as well.

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