Tag Archives: Murder

Say your Goddamn Pronouns!

Murder by Death

“Take a quote from your favorite movie — there’s the title of your post. Now, write!”

Huzzah, nice prompt.

Well my favourite movie is a film called Murder by Death which is a comedy based on the idea that all the most famous detectives in the world get invited to a spooky house by its mysterious owner, Lionel Twain. Over the course of the evening, the guests are challenged to solve a murder, with their reputations on the line if they can’t solve it. As predicted at the stroke of midnight, there is a murder and without spoiling anything it’s not who you might expect.

That could be the plot for a fairly run of the mill murder mystery but with Peter Sellers as Sidney Wang (Charlie Chan), Maggie Smith and David Niven playing Dick and Dora Charleston (Nick & Nora Charles), Peter Falk as Sam Diamond (Sam Spade) and Else Lancaster as Jessica Marbles (Miss Marple) this is anything but run of the mill. Throw in a blind butler played by Alex Guinness, and a deaf and mute cook and the parody just keeps coming.

Oh, the title? Well the title comes from one scene where a moose head on the wall is becoming quite frustrated by Sidney Wang’s less than perfect grammar.

Of course this is 1970’s humor so there are some things you could get away with then that you might not be to get away now, like Peter Sellers dressing up as someone from China and putting on an outrageously stereotypical accent. So, I do hope this doesn’t cause offense.

Oh if you’re interested in seeing even more clips, you can check out this. I’ve found a few minutes of clips on Youtube that you may like, though it doesn’t do it justice.

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It’s Either Me or Him

Godfather corleone offer refuseIt’s daily prompt time, and today’s is a timed challenge. We’ve had the ‘ten minutes, write about anything’ challenges but this is ‘ten minutes, write about this’ or more specifically, write about this…

Here’s the title of your post: “An Offer I Couldn’t Refuse.”Set a timer for ten minutes, and write it. Go!

‘I’m sorry. What do you mean you have a proposal for me?’ I say to the mysterious figure, stood in my doorway

‘Just as it sounds, you do something for me, and I’ll make sure you get that dream job you wanted.’

‘My dream is to not have a job at all. Just to float by on life, having a wealthy and mysterious benefactor, like the convict in Great Expectations give me money for no reason.’

‘Ok, well do the job and I’ll make sure that happens.’

‘What’s the job then?’

‘Kill someone for me’

‘What! I’m not going to kill someone. For one thing I’ll get caught then it will be her Majesty herself paying for my upkeep which I’m not smitten about.’

‘Kill one person and a life of relaxation and wonder awaits.’

‘You’re sick. I’m not going to kill someone just to get some time off work. Go away you crazy lunatic!’

‘He was a bad person, he deserves to die.’

‘Really? What’s he done?’

‘Oh yeah, he has loads of late library book fees’

‘I see. Go away.’

‘It’s either that, or I make you watch the Twilight Saga… again.’

‘…what’s his name?’

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Flash Fiction: Falling For Your Boss

falling dropping plummet man business man flash fictionWell after leaving the last flash fiction challenge until pretty much the last day, I thought I would actually write this one a little ahead of time. Mr Wendig from Terribleminds.com, he who is lord and master of all flash fiction challenges. Well the ones on his website anyway, and quite frankly who would want any more.

Anyway, his challenge this week was to randomly choose something from his list of psychic powers and write yourself a bit of flash fiction where the protagonist has this very same power. Well I rolled my trusty D20, and I got the power of…

Duh-duh-duuuuuuh… ‘bi-location’.

I’m pretty sure I knew what bi-location was, but checked on Wikipedia anyway. In short it is the ability to be in two places at the same time.

Here is…

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Flash Fiction: The Cat & Mouse Murders

flash fiction mouse cat murderHere we go the first piece of Flash Fiction for 2013, and it ended up being a bizarre one. Thanks once more to Chuck Wendig and Terribleminds.com for the challenge.

Chuck gave us three lists, Sub-genre, Setting and a further list giving you something that your piece of Flash Fiction must include. All we had to do was randomly chose one item from each three lists and put them all together into a flash fiction. Well I rolled, and I got the following…

  • Sub Genre – Splatterpunk
  • Setting – An Abandoned Wall-Mart
  • Must Feature – Talking Animals

So there you go, hope you enjoy it and if you want to leave a comment, well that’s what the section at the bottom is for.

Continue reading Flash Fiction: The Cat & Mouse Murders

Flash Fiction: Desert Music

flash fiction sand hot sun desert dunes saharaFor this weeks flash fiction challenge at Terribleminds.com we were given a list of ten ‘ingredients’ that could be used in a piece of flash fiction. We had to choose five out of those ten ingredients and use them in a piece of 1000 word flash fiction. I could have chosen the ones I wanted but I felt that the ingredients were all of a similar vein so it might be more interesting if I randomly picked the five I had to use.

I used random.org to generate a random number which lead me to the following five ingredients.

  • A Missing Corpse
  • A Broken Music Box
  • An Ancient Curse
  • A Half Burned Notebook
  • A Venomous Creature

As usual comments are both welcome and encouraged. Let me know what you think.

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Flash Fiction: The Three Naughty Friends

flash fiction statue granite sandstone sand stone gargoyleAnother week and another flash fiction challenge by Terribleminds.com. Adding to the success of the earlier ‘Aspect’ flash fiction challenges (my entries can be seen here and here), Mr Wendig has done it again. This time he’s expanded the possible sub-genre, problem and elements to include options for our flash fiction by 100%. That’s right, now there are twenty possible choices for each. Which of those possible 8000 choices did I get for my flash fiction?

  • Sub genre – Twisted fairy tale
  • Conflict / problem – Revenge
  • Element to include – A severed hand

Sometimes it can take a while for the ideas to formulate into something tangible, not this time though. As soon as the three components had been generated I was off like a whippet out of a trap.

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Flash Fiction: The Crossword Killer

flash fiction font print letter text alphabetThis weeks Flash Fiction challenge hosted by Terribleminds.com was rather tricky. Mr Wendig gave us a randomly generated sentence which we had to include somewhere in our piece of 1000 word flash fiction. The sentence was…

“A novice revenges the rhythm”

It is a rather difficult sentence to use in its natural form due to a few grammatical inconsistencies. However, after a few days of mulling, ideas slowly started to brew and ferment like alcoholic tea. Then like a thunderbolt from the sky, or more accurately one of those little lightning bolts on the sensitive teeth adverts, struck me and suddenly I was on to something.

So, as always I hope you like and you must leave a comment. Yep, I’m making it mandatory now. If you try to leave the page after reading this without leaving a comment, I will send my army of molluscs after you. Don’t think I won’t. They’ll just wait for you, clinging on to your shower curtain to take you by surprise and take very small bites out of you.

Have fun, peeps.

Continue reading Flash Fiction: The Crossword Killer